How to Show Up When the World Makes You Want to Stay in Bed

I get it. I really do. Hitting snooze and crawling back under those covers sounds more and more appealing to me these days too.

I’ve been chatting with friends lately and noticing that we’re all just so. damn. tired. Two years of living with a pandemic has worn even the most-resourced of us down. And just as it started to feel safe(r) again for many of us, the headlines from around the globe made us think otherwise.

I don’t know about you but it’s certainly enough to make me want to hide at times.

Every now and then, I do. For a few blissful moments in the morning, I burrow down into the sheets and pretend that it’s the only place in the world where I’m needed.

But then I remind myself that I am somebody who’s chosen to show up. I remember that I don’t hide from myself or the world anymore because I can, as Glennon Doyle reminds us, do hard things.

Sometimes it takes a tool or three from my toolbox. And sometimes it’s easier said than done. But almost always, I can find a way to keep putting one foot in front of the other long enough to get me back into my groove.

But how exactly?

Here are 5 simple (but not always easy) things that help me show up when I just don’t wanna:

#1 I do something to shift my perspective.

Let me start off by saying that I am not a purveyor of toxic positivity. I don’t think that just because others’ problems or pain might be “bigger,” that my own are any less real. And I don’t think that Pollyanna-ing through life is the way to go. I do, however, find it really helpful to try to find a different perspective if I’m in a funk. That might look like talking to a trusted friend who can help me find another way to look at things or jotting out a quick gratitude list to stay grounded in what is good.

#2 I do something to fill my cup.

There’s a reason the flight attendant tells you to secure your own O2 mask before securing that of anybody near you who may need help. We simply can’t give if we don’t have anything left in us. (It’s physics.) I try to be mindful of what’s in my cup and what I need. Occasionally it’s asking my husband if he can take daddy detail while I hide out and make art and sometimes it’s simply remembering that, like a plant, I do better when well-watered. I’m mindful of the fact that my cup has physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual needs and that all of them are valid.

#3 I do something to fill another’s cup.

Sometimes the best medicine is the kind we get when we give to others. Getting outside of myself and being of service to another human being has a way of lifting me up. And the paradoxical thing is that, as long as I’m not depleted myself (see #2 above), I always seem to reap more than it feels like I’m sowing. Sending a text or making a quick call to my grandma to see how she’s doing, making sure the cashier and baggers at the grocery can see my smile, or lending a hand to someone always seems to fill me up too. It doesn’t have to be a regularly-scheduled volunteer gig (although those are great too!); there are usually a handful of opportunities each day if I keep an eye out for them.

#4 I “act as if.”

Ok, hear me out: lipstick and mascara are part of my mental/emotional/spiritual toolbox. No. Really. They are.

On the days that I absolutely don’t wanna, I’ve found that I can often fake it ‘til I make it by acting as if I do wanna. I get out of the oh-so-comfy-but-a-little-ratty sweats and into an outfit that makes me feel like I’m ready to face the world. I’m a minimalist when it comes to getting ready (and joke that my “flawless in five” routine is more often than not a “less-than-flawless in three”), but I have a few non-negotiables: clean hair, clean body, clean teeth, fresh undies, mascara and lipstick. I also make my bed and always have breakfast. Your non-negotiables might look different and I encourage you to figure out what they are.

#5 I ask for help.

Y’all, we are NOT in this alone. (Even if sadness, fear, fatigue or whatever else might be lying to you and making you think that you are.)

I have a whole team supporting me. Some of the folks on it have been there for years (oh hi, Mom!) and some rotate in and out as the seasons of my life change. From professionals like doctors to my circle of friends, I know that every last person on it is there to help me when I need it. And if I find that I’m really struggling, I reach out.

Asking for help is a learned skill (which means it can get easier with practice). Oftentimes, we’ve been raised or trained into feeling like we’ve got to do it all by ourselves and so it’s not easy to make that call. If that’s the case for you, know that it’s OK to simply say “I need help and I don’t even know where to start.”

Like I said, simple but not necessarily easy.

If this post and list sparked something true or new for you, I’d love to hear about it. You can drop me a line via my contact form or catch me on the socials (links at the bottom of this page). And if strengthening your show up muscles is something you’d like some support with, check out how we might work together here.